Just Another (Five Thousand Dollar) Rite of Passage

Fourth Grader's dentist advised at her recent cleaning that I should take her for a Braces Evaluation.

More words to shudder by.

It appears, explained the sage dentist, that Fourth Grader's little mouth has gotten ahead of itself.

To which I said, Tell me something I don't know. But apparently he was not talking about her sassiness.

The dentist, who seemed taken aback - judging by the way he kept blinking and staring at Fourth Grader in mild disbelief - began to worry me. I pay pretty close attention to my kid, but what the heck is she hiding in there? Teenage boys? Anyhow, he was so kind as to not only recommend an orthodontist, but to arrange for him to call us. How helpful.

Admittedly, I pretended at first not to get the voicemail message. I couldn't help it. I never had braces. Why does everyone need braces nowadays? When I was a kid, we walked five miles uphill just to buy a toothbrush...Wait, wrong litany. Anyway, she's's ten, remember, and ten seems a bit young for this, no?

On second thought, many things about her don't seem ten-like to me these days. The sassiness, for starters. Every day I tell her to stop this growing up business, and every day she grows up a little bit more anyway. It's so annoying.

Well, if she insists on continuing this routine, I guess it's only fair that her pretty smile be included. So we went for the Braces Evaluation - Fourth Grader, unfazed and wondering aloud about color selection (naturally), and Mama silently hoping for a First Visit Acquittal -something along the lines of "There's no work for us here" would be fine. And free.

Setting foot in the office, I was instantly put at ease. Not by the collage of satisfied patients smiling down from the waiting room wall. Not by the sweet, lilting voice of the receptionist. No. The magazine assortment. Nothing but rows of glossy, heavy-papered, luxury travel magazines.

So at the very time I should be pondering concepts like Orthodontia Coverage...Deductibles... Installment Plans... instead I was adrift in Island Living. Spa Cruise. Dominican Getaway.

Oh, I want to come back here, I thought.

Oh, you're coming back, said the nice orthodontist a few minutes later - though he said it more officially, with his fancy orthodontist words and his fancy pictures of Fourth Grader's mouth. He, too, dropped the phrase "advanced for her age" numerous times - again, not a reference to her attitude, but to the fact that her ten-year-old mouth is housing twelve-year-old teeth, and the garage ain't big enough.

So braces it is.

On the positive side, the increasingly thorny Tooth Fairy missions are apparently now behind me - at least with one child. Also, it looks like I will have plenty of opportunity to read those travel magazines in the waiting room.

You know, since I'll be contributing to the subscription fund.