The Cheese Stands Alone

I was really looking forward to this weekend.

For one thing, we just finished our first true "back to school" week, complete with three nights of gymnastics in the mix. Everyone made it to practice on time, nobody forgot to do their homework, and - glory be! - the girls were too exhausted to fight with me about bedtimes. All systems go.

Saturday held the promise of late sleeping children followed by Old Home Day in the center of our little village. Old Home Day, for you city folk, is just a little celebration of life in the woods - er, small town - complete with music, food, games for the kiddies, and clowns. Oh, and no adult beverages. How many of you wish you could have gone with us?

Honestly, I wasn't planning to go at first, until I found out that my group of friends here in town were all going. Certainly that would take the sting out of dealing with clowns. Plus, hey, a little wholesome bonding time with the Tornadoes? Always a good thing.

So we arrived about half an hour before the parade stepped off and immediately went in three different directions. Third Grader was abducted by the middle school girls volunteering at the Sand Art table. Fifth Grader went off to find her friend with whom she would be leaving in a few hours for a soccer game and -naturally - a sleepover. I tried unsuccessfully to find my friends and to avoid the clowns. We reunited for the parade, but I can't really compete with candy being thrown in to the street, so really I watched it by myself. Where are my friends? I wondered.

About then, I saw them. In the parade. The whole group of them up there in the back of a tractor full of hay, waving. Alrighty then...

Fifth Grader left with her friend shortly after I stood in line for twenty minutes to get her a burger. Third Grader and I crossed paths a few times, mostly when she needed to dump off her latest balloon animal or game prizes. There wasn't a lot of hanging out with friends as they were being yanked in different directions by the little ones. I ate a semi-edible cheeseburger and watched another mom play the fiddle with the band onstage. The next time Third Grader flew by, I hooked her and said "Time to go."

We went home for a few hours to relax before the evening's fireworks...long enough for Third Grader to finagle herself a sleepover at a friend's house. See how this is lining up? Fifth Grader gone. Third Grader going. The Hope Diamond's got nothing on a free Saturday night.

I called Boyfriend.

Boyfriend is busy. I knew that already, but a free Saturday night! I said something supportive of his previously arranged busy-ness while simultaneously trying to transmit telepathic promises of irresistible enjoyment. Either Boyfriend is not telepathic or I am quite resistible. Either way, no Boyfriend.

Third Grader and I headed back to Old Home Day with sweatshirts and chairs. I set up chairs in the grass while Third Grader disappeared into the fray. I sat in my chair. And that is what I did for the next ninety minutes. I sat in my chair by myself, watching the blues band play, watching the sky darken, watching the couples around me on their blankets and in their chairs, and hated them all a little bit. Yes, there, I said it. I could not have felt more completely alone if I had been sitting beneath a blinking neon arrow that said "NO ONE WANTS THIS WOMAN'S COMPANY TODAY."

Third Grader did make it back to me to watch the fireworks, but then she left with her friend, and I came home. I did what any self-respecting woman with a free night and no date would do: I ran a bath and poured a drink. I lay there in my luxurious bath, drinking my luxurious drink, soaking in my luxurious aloneness. Five minutes later, I went to bed.

They can't all be winning weekends, I guess. On a positive note, I did get to run this morning without guilt, and I've read half the paper already. In a few hours, the Tornadoes will be home to not appreciate me in person. Perhaps we will have dinner out. There are few things that can make me appreciate my alone time like going to a restaurant with the Tornadoes.