How I Wish The Voices Would Stop

I don't know about you, but I am so glad that Halloween is over. It seemed like a particularly dreadful prospect this year, what with it falling on a Friday and all - like many of you out there, I had visions of trouble minded teenagers, driving themselves from house to house, showing up on my doorstop and shaking their pillowcases at me, demanding candy at an hour far beyond the published trick or treat curfew. This is a particularly daunting, yet highly unrealistic, fear where I live because nobody actually goes trick or treating in neighborhoods to begin with. The kids all go to the center of town, where everyone gets in on the fun. There's the insurance/stump grinding business with its presentation of one hundred jack-o-lanterns; the library; the Garden Club Witches on the gazebo in the common; the church of unknown denomination (though clearly not Catholic); and the handful of quaint historic residences still somehow occupied around the square. Oh yeah, it's a party all right.

This of course is where I took the Vampiress and her big sister, the Heavenly Devil (half-angel half-devil, how apropos), but not before turning on our lights and leaving an offertory bowl of candy on the front step like everyone else on our road. You can never be too careful with those teenagers. Anyway, it seems the economy has taken a swipe at our little town's Halloween ritual. Several houses that normally decorate to the hilt had taken a pass this year and just doled out their little Milky Ways from a Tupperware bowl. The house known for its snack spread and adult beverage offerings? Miller Lites and store bought cupcakes. Blah. Also surprisingly low on trick or treaters for some reason. The Barn of Blood, a perennial kid favorite, was at least still open for business. Don't let the name fool you: The Barn of Blood is a known lame performance, but the proprietor, "Dr. Death", features a "bottomless candy buffet" at the end of it. He's good for about half their take for the night, thus a popular fixture.

Anyway, enough of Halloween. I don't enjoy it. I don't like the cold or the dark or being scared. I don't even like candy all that much. So now that that's done, my brain has moved onto bigger and better things. Namely...Christmas. I woke up this morning humming Christmas carols. Ack! I was tempted to throw on a little Harry Connick, Jr. over breakfast to perhaps exorcise the tunes from my head, but that could certainly backfire, so I resisted. And they are still there. In my head. Playing. And they must go, because it is not right.

What I need is a tune of more timely import. An Election Day carol, perhaps. Do you know any songs about the end of Daylight Savings Time? How about hunting season? I may have to write something myself.