Okay, Now You're Just Hurting My Feelings

Hello. We're back. And there will absolutely be a New York post (though not IN the New York Post, at least not yet...) - perhaps even tonight. Two posts in one day, how exciting...

First, though, I just want to take a minute to address my friends at the Big Corporate Green Grass Growing Service, as it appears they stopped by while I was out.

If I'm counting correctly, this visit marked Treatment Number Four in our lawn revival quest. You may recall the kind note they left after Treatment Number One - the one where they stated the obvious, of which I had tried to prepare them but which they preferred not to believe? Yes, that note.

The notes left after Treatments Number Two and Three were fairly generic: lots of boxes checked off, "This species of nasty is present, also this species." Stuff like that. No postscript. They were unpleasant to read, but the presentation was scientific enough. They're just doing their job, right? In due time, my lawn grades will improve.

Now mind you, since hiring the Big Corporate Green Grass Growing Service, I have also put up the dough to have a sprinkler system installed. They don't give those babies away. But lack of water in prior years was certainly a major contributor to the crappy lawn, particularly as summer progressed into scorch mode. Never mind that the sky has poured down an entire waterpark of rain every day since the sprinkler system was installed - I take full credit for the fact that the many patches of brown have all filled in with grass.

So - what gives with this note?

"Your lawn is in poor condition. Full of crabgrass."

...I'm sorry, but don't you see what I've accomplished here? There's hardly any bare spots anymore....okay, maybe they are filled in with the incorrect kind of grass. But aren't you being paid to alleviate that problem?

I just needed to get that off my chest.