Petty Petty Pet Peeves

One day last week, I found we were in need of milk. So I stopped to pick some up on my way home.

Milk costs $3.59 a gallon now, by the way. Hello.

Anyway, seeing as it had recently snowed - AGAIN - the store's cooler was woefully low on milk. In fact, only one gallon remained. Float a few snowflakes, suddenly everyone needs milk. As if it will serve as emergency currency.

Of course, the one remaining gallon was of the fat-free variety.

Well, we needed milk. So I proceeded to the counter with my gallon of petroleum-based, milk-colored water. I presented it to the cashier along with a five dollar bill.

In turn, the cashier made me a little present. She layered a dollar bill onto my receipt, piled forty cents in coins on top, and extended her creation with fingertips pinching each end. This whole procedure took her about a nanosecond.

As I was standing there with my wallet open and my empty hand poised to accept my change, I was initially a bit dazed. My stance was clearly incorrect. The cashier, whom I will now refer to as Flash, waited not so patiently for me to shove my wallet back in my pocket and extend my flat palm so she could place her little change cake upon it. Which I did, because I am a lemming.

My FIRST issue with this transaction: What am I supposed to do with this mess lying in my palm?

While I stood blinking at my gift, the line grew three deep behind me. I had no choice but to shove the change cake into my pocket in a bunched up wad and deal with it in the privacy of my car. There I sat, fishing out coins, flattening the bill so I could put it in my wallet, obligingly out of Flash the Cashier's way. As if I should be embarrassed about my lack of dexterity.

Why? Why, Flash, why?

Second, and really more annoying, in my opinion: Where's my penny?

Oh yeah, I noticed.

Why do I have to ask for my penny?

This has become a phenomenon, this dismissal of the penny, and it is pissing me off. It happens everywhere. Drive-up windows, convenience stores - they either don't give it to you or WORSE they assumptively toss it into that dirty little communist "leave a penny" bin.

I know. It's a penny. But you know something? It's my penny.

My paychecks are not doled out in even numbers. I don't get to price milk.

It's not like they carry that little bin to the soup kitchen. Some dolt picks them all up to buy a pack of Camels.

I'm just saying.

Please give me my change - ALL of my change - in some manner of common sense. No need for ceremony. And buy your own stuff.